I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
