Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
