At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
