I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
