So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
