i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
