I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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