Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
