i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
