you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this will be a night to untag.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
