I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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