Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
