Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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