sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
