So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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