worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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