addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
