Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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