I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
