FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
