Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
