it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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