i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
