Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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