The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
