Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
