Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
