I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
