eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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