I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
