I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
