Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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