I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
