it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
