He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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