I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
