Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
