First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
