I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
God I need to hump something, right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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