My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
