Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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