im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
