so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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