Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
