She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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