I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
