I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i now understand why vodka
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
