Soap is not a condiment
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
