My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
