I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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