Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
