I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
