so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
