And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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