I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
lol hangovers are for mortals.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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