My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
dude. I can hear the air.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize