I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
