I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
