with your own penis?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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