My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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