I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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