Whod you bang
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
