Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
