Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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