I feel great
I just peed on a car
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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