I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
