Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
