We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
