The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
