Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
