I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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