I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
