so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
