I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
